


I'm Not Scared of Falling, It's Hitting the Ground

by megahomestucktrash69



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Depression, Drinking, Self Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:59:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megahomestucktrash69/pseuds/megahomestucktrash69





	I'm Not Scared of Falling, It's Hitting the Ground

You go over the facts in your head for probably the last time. Today is your birthday. You are now 24. The game ended 8 years ago. You somehow got to be in a relationship with Dirk. He thinks you’ve stopped drinking, that you’ve stopped cutting, that you’re fine, thinks you aren’t depressed anymore. Dirk walks over to you and lightly taps on your shoulder. You snap out of your thoughts and look up at him. “Are you okay Roxy?” You nod your head, your blond hair slightly bouncing. “Yeah Dirky, why wouldn’t I be?” He shrugs and inside your heart breaks because you remembered what you were going to do today. “Well, happy birthday Roxy.” You smile at him and you can tell he knows something is wrong with you. There is no way in hell you would tell him. He would stop you, and you can’t let that happen. There is nothing here for you, not anymore. The only time you were useful was during the game.

But none of that matters anymore. You just need to play this off and make him believe that you are happy and fine. Oh god, you hope he doesn’t hug you or anything. You don’t need him finding out about the new cuts. He still checks your arms but you don’t cut there anymore. Now you cut your stomach and your thighs. He doesn’t suspect you of cutting there. He can be so clueless sometimes, but this time it’s good. Slowly, but surely, you’ve started drinking again. You were rethinking your life, and remembering things you didn’t want to. He smiles and it pulls you out of your thoughts. You smile back and he reaches out to you and… Oh god. He hugs you and he feels the thick gauze under your thin shirt. Dirk’s smile drops and he lifts up your shirt. Once he sees the gauze wrapped around you, he opens his mouth to speak. You see him say “Roxy,” but you can’t hear him. Your heart rate picks up and you break away from him. You run out the door and he just watches you go.

You know from earlier incidents that he will leave you alone for a bit so you can calm down and cool off, then he will come after you to talk. Well that won’t happen this time. You run out to the bridge and lean against the railing. You pull out your phone and send a few texts. You send one to Jane that says, “Janey, I hope your life turns out great. You were such a great friend.” You make sure that in every text, you spell everything correctly. You send one to Jake, and then Rose. You set your phone on the rail and climb up on it. A car pulls up and you turn your head. Dirk steps out, a look of worry on his face. “Roxy, what are you doing? Come down from there, please… I love you.” You shake your head slowly, not speaking. You don’t trust your voice enough to not crack. His voice is more forceful this time. “Roxy. Come down from there.” You sadly shake your head and a single tear slips down your cheek. “I love you Dirky.” He rushes forward to pull you back to safety, but it’s too late. A bit of panic blooms in your chest at the incoming impact. You hit the river, and you feel a stab of pain for a moment. Then everything turns black, and you feel nothing.

You had never been scared of falling, it was always hitting the ground.


End file.
